I originally published this article on my Tumblr page but I thought I’d re-post it here as it’s as good an introduction as any. I’ve decided to move my more serious and “wordy” posts here. I like this new WordPress.com.
Like many people my age the idea of having more than one committed romantic relationship at one time was the realm of fantasy, sci fi, cults or hippies. It just wasn’t the norm.
But then when have I ever been normal?
I have been open to alternate ways of thinking and living all of my life (much to my father’s chagrin) so when I heard about polyamory for the first time I knew it was for me. Little did I know how life changing, and painful, it would be.
My Previously Enjoyed Spouse and I thought about opening up our marriage as swingers but decided it wasn’t really for us, for various reasons. Around the same time I was reading Conversations With God and had joined a Yahoo group about CWG. The books have many radical ideas about intimate relationships and sex and a discussion was started about real open love. Someone posted about polyamory and I felt such a charge of familiarity. It was like reading about something I had forgotten about. More love, more expression, and I’ll admit it, more sex.
After many discussions with my wife we decided that it sounded so perfect, so idyllic, but it just couldn’t work in real life. We shelved the idea and went back to our typical marriage.
The idea never really stayed shelved in my mind. Several years passed and one night my wife quietly asked me as we were in bed for the night: “Do you think polyamory could work?”
My heart just about jumped out of my chest. “Yes!” I said barely containing my excitement. And so began our adventure. I started researching (big on research, I am) and soon had my profile up on various sites. My wife seemed a bit less gung ho but soon admitted that she already had someone in mind. An acquaintance of mine and a friend of hers. Someone I had introduced to her. They had never met in real life but she had feelings for him.
I was so happy for her. I really was. Compersion we would say now.
I started seeing someone and things were going well. Then they fell apart. One night she revealed that she had fallen in love with this other man a couple years before but hadn’t said anything but he was now porced. Then came the bombshell, she didn’t love me anymore and hadn’t for sometime.
Now I knew what devastation felt like. The woman I had loved since the first moment I laid eyes on her no longer wanted to have me.
We made some effort to repair the marriage but her mind was too much on the new relationship. It was over. So was my other relationship. It was time for healing, learning, and a great deal of self examination. I realized I didn’t have the relationship skills I thought I had. I also realized that much of my desire for poly at the time was for ego gratification and validation. I was coming from a deeply wounded place of ego and desperation.
Despite it all I still believe in polyamory. I’ve had a couple poly relationships since the break up and I look forward to any new relationships I’ll have in the future. I’m single right now but I’m loving it. Loving me. When others are ready to enter my life they will be welcome.
I still love my Previously Enjoyed Wife but it’s a love of friendship now.
So that’s my poly life in a very simple nutshell.